I think it’s condescending.

You know? We never hear from him again. If you’re in a drum circle, I wonder if there’s a moment where you’re like, “I’m never gonna be rich.” I think “balls” is a terrible nickname for that part of the male anatomy. – [woman] Great.

That was a thing I could do that I can’t do anymore.

That makes me a dork. You know? He’s dead. My friend’s really good at doing the robot. It’s like they tell you exactly when it will be funny to push your friend into traffic. You throw balls and you bounce them and you kick ’em.

What a terrible way to go. Lettuce…” “How’s your salad?” “It’s 17 small salads that I had to make.” That’s probably why in a restaurant the waiter’s like, “Are you still working on that salad?” “You’re goddamn right I’m working. Like with “X” I was like, “That’s definitely your parent. [laughs]I parked my car in a grocery store parking lot. Okay?” “Anything else?” “Yeah, open casket. Don’t worry about it.”If you’re in a restaurant and you wanna get the check, you just go like that and they bring you the check. You see?” Sometimes I’ll be in an awkward situation, and I’ll try to save it really quickly by saying something fast, but often it just makes it worse. [sighs] All right. Enjoy the best Demetri Martin Quotes at BrainyQuote. “You okay?” “Yeah, yeah, I just hurt my publics on that door.

‘Cause most sports it looks like all the players really want the ball. I just… wait. Um… The thoughts are kind of weird.

I wanna open an optical store. Until they get to the extra point, then it looks like, “I’m sick of this freaking baby.” [thudding sound] – [chuckles] – [applause] Baby just goes through the uprights. And I thought, I’ve got the same taste as a dork. I don’t know if they’re friends or something, but… You know, this guy has a big dick, he’s gonna sleep with all these women, it’s a whole thing. So you need to get an education, go to school, then come back to me, maybe you can make an educated guess.” “Okay.” I wonder what a walrus vampire would look like. Was this review helpful? “It’s okay.” [laughs]Indoor sports don’t look as cool as outdoor sports.

Way too dangerous. Get off me! I appreciate that.

Yep, yep! When you’ve having sex with somebody, you can say, “Yes” or “Yeah” or “Uh-huh.” But for some reason, you can’t say “Yep.” “Oh, yep, baby. You’re right.I’ve learned that there’s a fine line between killing a fly and When I was little, I learned that “please” was the magic word. If I’m in the crosswalk and the light changes, I’m not saying I run out of the way, but I make a gesture to the driver who’s waiting to let them know that I’m not a dick. Step six: before combining brown sugar and caramel in bowl, take off all of your clothes and stand in front of the mirror. We don’t want this.” It looks like a game for people who don’t like volleyballs. Uh… C-horny.” “Okay, I think I’m gonna head out.” “D-all of the above.
This guy’s, like, kind of telling a story, he’s kind of whining.

I was in a rental car. Lettuce, onion, cherry tomato, cherry… Forget it. And the lady walks in, he’s just kind of looking smooth. Go, go, go. Bonus round, Scattergories. You know?

I wrote a protest song, but it was an instrumental, so… So very ineffective.My friend called my other friend a night owl, and I was like, “You know, owls are nocturnal. And this guy yelled, “Little help!” So I just kicked it a little bit towards him. Guess these guys are friends or something. Terrible. He’s like looking at my car like he’s gonna fight it.

Il est utilisé afin d'invoquer par la magie des esprits bénéfiques pour être protégé ou guéri des maladies.

Just to say, “Hey, you know, it was my turn.” Then as he rolls over the top of your car, maybe he’d be thinking, “God, this guy used his one hit for the year on me. Cool, that worked. I appreciate that.

All right. And that was frustrating. Way to turn it around, milk!

By the time I get to the third, I’m looking at the fourth like, “You son of a bitch.” I get over there and it’s just such a struggle. – [cheering] Thanks.
I’m so close.When I was in high school, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to be on the debate team or not.

They’ll be like, “He was born… Then what?

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